I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
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