Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
