i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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