So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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