do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
only you would photoshop your dick
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
