oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
