Don't make out with my wife yet
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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