Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I cut my penus on the lid.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
