Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
