You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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