I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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