so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
