These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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