just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Is Oprah even human
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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