I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
