That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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