new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
