he puts the penis in happiness.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I currently don't understand fingers.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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