Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize