This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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