my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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