so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
