You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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