I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
