ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
