we have pet lesbian snakes
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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