Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize