If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
