You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
