so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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