If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Randomize
