Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
