my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
