I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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