i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
You ate ashes out of my bong
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
