I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
