Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize