Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
