Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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