For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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