WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
