Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Randomize
