We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize