A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
