Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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