Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize