I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
