yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Randomize
