So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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