Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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