i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize
