You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Terrible idea I love it
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize