I just saw a hot homeless man
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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