You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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