im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
