I'm so fucking centered right now
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Randomize
