So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
