The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
