Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
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