Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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