Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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