He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
