She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
