The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
