I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
