Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
