It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
