So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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